People should stop being boring.

Note: The main character of this story could be you!! But to protect your identity I've changed your name, hair colour, height and favorite flavour of fruit snack. You will be called 'Uranus.' *snicker* Bear with me, there IS a reason. My apologies to everyone I know already named Uranus.

"Once upon a time Uranus was walking casually down the street listening to his i-pod and singing along: 'Hey Hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way!' (for the sake of this story you are an Avril Lavigne fan. My apologies to everyone I know who IS an Avril fan. Seriously. I'm really sorry for you.)
All of a sudden, Uranus rounds a corner and bumps into Anthony who is jogging.

Anthony: "Hey Uranus, what's up?"

Uranus: "Oh, not much. You? What's on the A-man's mind today?"

Anthony: "Actually, I've been thinking lately about how boring a lot of North Americans are."

Uranus: "Ya man, they be trippin off the hook!..... N'ways I gotta run, my friend lent me their old Nintendo 64 and I'm on level four of Zelda. I want to make it to level five by 4:30 this afternoon when 'Desperate Housewhores' is on...'

Anthony: "......................"

Anthony jumps in the air, does a 360 and drop-kicks Uranus in the throat. When Uranus is on the ground Anthony kicks a near-by pile of dog poo at him. Then he jogs away.
The End.

Now, a lot of people probably aren't very happy with me right now; after slamming Uranus in the jugular and kicking feces at him. But let's look at this with a new perspective: the way I see it, I just did Uranus a favour! *snickers* Judging by his routine activities, I bet what I just did to him would probably be the most interesting thing that will happen to him all week. Maybe all month. Heck, depending on what level of Zelda he gets to-perhaps his whole life!!

The whole problem I see is that the lives and habits of many North Americans are becoming more and more Pathetic (notice the uppercase letter 'P' for emphasis). A place where many citizens know more about the state of Brad and Angelina's relationship than they do about what their government is up to. Or even worse, they care more about the state of that relationship than about political issues. (The two of the are still together right? I haven't been in the country for awhile, I know things can change quickly in the supermarket tabloids at the grocery store checkout. I've been in the countries that Angelina is stealing all her babies from. Duh, she's in a relationship with the most attractive man in the world, isn't that cause to--oh, I don't know--make your own!?!)
A place where our emotions are sung for us on the Top 40 radio stations (thanks Avril), where we do something we hate to earn money to buy something we don't need, where the best selling form of literature is the magazine (man, what in the world did we ever know before magazine quizzes?! The last one I did I scored a 65. That means that I am a 'macho man who eats too much starch and kidney beans. Your soft side and inner child need to be explored and vaporized. You enjoy a good competitive game of hopscotch but occasionally become distressed if you can't hop first. You are timeless, triumphant, ecstatic, stoic and wordless. Try cooking something new tonight....' Thank you Cosmo.) Then at the end of the day we love to watch characters on TV whose lives are more dramatic than our own (which takes about as much effort as a fart). Advertisements tell us who we should be, what we should want, how we should look and what we should believe. Society is fitting everyone into a tiny little box of 'conforming' and convincing them that by being 'the same' somehow expresses their individuality (the box is green and has little purple clouds painted on it.... Just helping with the mental image). No one is allowed to be themselves, and even scarier is that so many people are so lost in this box that they don't even know what 'themselves' is any more (or ever did). What opinions, interests and desires do they really hold that aren't in any way influenced by society and the media? I'm not going to use the cliche line 'think outside the box' here. I'm going to instead suggest that you roll that complacent Burger-King-bred-butt OUT of the box for a breath of fresh air. Then set the box on fire. And cook smores over it. In other words, STOP BEING BORING!! Now, the first step to not being boring is to first realize that indeed you ARE boring. This might be tough to hear, so make sure you have your stress ball, magic bag, punching bag, teddy bear and chainsaw close by (whatever you need to help you cope). I have here some ways to tell if indeed you are lame (since I live the life of the most interesting person I know, and that I am writing this in India where in the last three days I survived a freak sand and wind storm at the Taj Mahal, penetrated into a barbed wire encircled and armed guard protected Chinese embassy to obtain a visa and went into a Hindu temple where I saw a goat being sacrificed makes me automatically NOT boring and therefore qualified to write this. *sticks tongue out*).

Indicators of The Bore

1. Your Facebook page is FULL of applications.

This is almost inversely proportional to your level of lame-ness. If someone has to scroll through What Disney character you most resemble, the Teletubbie quote of the day, Ninja and pirate armies and paintings that could be outdone by most two-year olds in order to write on your wall, I'd think twice about whether you actually deserve something to be written there. Except maybe: "Try some fresh air. You are out of control. Doctor told me to tell you to get off Facebook and try a cup of real life." Or if you want to put it in their language: "Omg, get Urself 2 BRB st8. Lol. Ttyl."
What the magnitude of applications says to me is that you spend more time throwing digital sheep at your friends than you do actually hanging out with them (of course if they are the type of 'friend' that throws sheep right back at you and proceeds to instigate a fake 'lightsaber duel' with you..... they are probably just as boring and I wouldn't want to hang out with them either.) For goodness sake!! Throw a real sheep at them! That would be cool! Anything to stop you from using Facebook as a desperate self-validation!
I once got an invitation nominating me for the 'world's greatest person' award on Facebook. At first I was flattered, until I realized that I didn't even know the person who sent it. My guess is that he sent it to everyone he could in hopes that they would send it back and he could think: 'Wow, all these people think I'm wonderful! Maybe I won't watch three seasons of 'Friends' today! Instead I'll start poking people I never talk to in hopes that they'll recognize my existence!' I wanted to send him the 'Most pathetic' award, but I don't think Facebook has one......yet.

2. Shows like 'The O.C.' tickle your fancy.

Really, I mean any soap opera for teenagers. It's even worse if you've changed plans or turned down an invitation to go out Thursday night because 'The O.C.' was on. Or invite people over for a 'Thursday night O.C. sleep-over.'
I remember watching my first episode of that show. I've had more fun peeing my pants. It was about as intellectually stimulating as picking a wedgie. If the highlight of your week is is finding out if Big-Boob Bombshell is going to get back together with Sweet-But Rugged Surfer Boy, or what dress Perfect Teeth Babe wears to the beach party that night, I'd like to introduce you to this wonderful thing Gutenberg came up with in the 1430's called 'the book.' It'll blow your mind.
If the lives of these fictional yuppies is a) more interesting than your own, or b) dictates your emotions for the week, we have a problem. Luckily I've made some tea, let's sit and talk about it. Help yourself to some banana bread.
These shows heavily distort reality and teach us to be discontented with our own lives. The drama we see on TV excites us and creates and emotional high, so when we see a lack of it in our own lives we unconsciously tend to create drama in our real lives. We blow up smaller issues in order to create the conflict, looking for that same stimulation. This is disastrous for relationships, even more so for trying to live in reality. So, look at those shows objectively. They are designed to play with your emotions. Don't let them affect your intellectual and emotional well-being... You know, the 'OMG Tracy, can you just believe what happened to Silky Hair Sue on Thursday?!? The way Tanned And Ripped Rob just ignored her new stainless white and adorable tank-top!?!? It's, well,...just atrocious!! *sob* You should come over so we can make Kiwi-lime smoothies and re-watch the episode from season 3 where Braindead Beach Babe and Jock Junkie share a mango-icing cupcake on the beach in the moonlight......*sigh*'
The day 'The O.C.' was cancelled I threw a party in my head. Unfortunately weeds always grow back and 'One Tree Hill' sprouted up in it's place...*rolls eyes* *pees pants*

3. You are John Travolta

Sorry man, you just haven't come out with anything good in years.

4. You drown reality with music.

Situation #1
School is out and you are walking to your locker. Walking towards you is Mr. He's-Too-Good-To-Be-True Dreamboat. With extra sails and fair winds today. You two are the only two in the hallway. He is bound to finally look at you after all these years, sink hopelessly into your eyes and drive you to happily-ever-after in his souped up '92 Chrysler. The moment approaches..... your are a few feet away..... suddenly......his cell rings. He answers it and blows by you. That evening he goes to a party on the beach with his supermodel-with-brains girlfriend and you lock yourself in your room and listen to all your Bryan Adams CD's.

Situation #2
Your report card comes in. It is less than colourful. Your parents say maybe you should try harder. You throw your accordion at them and scream 'Don't you get it?! I'm no scholar! I'm an ARTIST!!' Then you run to your room and crank the Simple Plan, singing along with such angst it would make the dude from Dashboard C. proud.

How many times have we been upset or frustrated and throw on our 'angry music' so we can scream along to '3 Days Grace' or 'Evanescence'? This can be said for any emotion, be it joy, infatuation, anger, lust or love. There is a song out there nowadays for every situation and every possible emotion. Putting on themed music that relates to our present state doesn't make the emotion we are feeling any less real, but it could perhaps stifle our ability to both express it uniquely and accurately and get through it productively. It can also impede emotional intelligence and creativity by letting the artist poetically say how we feel for us. Instead of using our own diction, the words are chosen for us and put in our head where we adopt them and make them our own in place of thinking up our own unique and creative expressions. (Note for Christians: This is just as poignant for worship music, where so many worship their deity through the words of popular contemporary Christian artists. Some may even find it difficult to worship without the music, perhaps an indication of how much they rely on the creativity of others.)
Creativity is not so much a gift as it is a skill that can be exercised. Music CAN impede our creative juices by accepting the words and emotions infused in a song instead of analysing how we feel objectively. Emotions are yours! Fight for the right! Screw Avril!! Raise your banner high and chant with me: 'We will NOT be emo! We will NOT be emo!" Now, go cut your hair.

5. Out of 153,000 possible combinations at Starbucks--you always get the same damn thing.
Honestly, maybe that little squirt of butterscotch is what you've been needing all these years....

6. You've ever filled out one of those forward, e-mail or Facebook surveys.

If you have the time or, even worse, feel the need to tell people the colour of your underwear, or if you 'honestly' have a crush on anyone right now, stop. Before you do anything, slap yourself. Think about whether the answer to the question 'who was the last person you texted' makes you a ball of fun. Or, for that matter at all attractive to that particular crush. There's a reason he's dating a girl with a hobby.

7. You've ever read someone else's forward, e-mail or Facebook survey.

Is your life so boring that you have to find out if theirs is too? They filled out the survey you are reading so yes, it is. Hey!, The two of you can exchange surveys until you're both old and living with 687 cats!! Or maybe you could even text each other and have each others names as answers for number 24 (who was the last person you texted?)!! Or see how many answers you can fill out with each others names in it!!! Oh, wait sorry, that would be border-line interesting. Apparently not your style.

There are tons of other indicators of a persons level of boring, but I think the point is clear. Someone who conforms to the entertainment industry and is starved of creativity is about as fun to hang out with as a box of soda crackers. Now, for those of you thinking: 'Gee.....um, am I actually, maybe, sort-of boring?' don't worry. Put down those Bob Marley Cd's and let me give you some constructive suggestions.

How to NOT be boring.

1. Be passionate about something

Interests express individuality, which is both attractive and interesting. Passion instigates drive which gives into ambition. From there the possibilities are endless. The best part is that you can be passionate about anything!! I'd rather have a conversation with someone who was passionate about toothpicks than someone not passionate at all! In fact I only eat passion-fruit now because it's just so dang passionate!! (Actually, I read about a guy once who made a two-meter high model of the Eiffel Tower completely out of toothpicks! I'd love to have conversation over a meal with him! In fact, at the end I'd even give him my toothpick!) As long as you are interested in something and pursue it fearlessly and diligently, that's not boring. However, be careful about pursuing something that is popular over something that you truly enjoy. For example, it might make you a disgraceful Canadian, but if you don't like hockey, don't bloody play it! If synchronized swimming is more your thing, you just became a heck of a lot more interesting. More questionable in your sexual orientation for the guys, but more interesting none-the-less.

2. Be a Transformer.

I know this might be harder to achieve than some of the other things, but if one day after school I missed the bus and you could turn yourself into a silver Ferrari, ....I'd find you pretty interesting.

3. Consume media objectively.

If magazines, music, movies and television tell you what you should pursue, feel, enjoy and look like, and you believe them, (you know, everyone who wants to 'start their own business', have 2.3 kids and shop at IKEA) then they are in control of you rather than visa versa. Look behind the intentions of the creators of each ad, article, and show as to what the creators receive from creating it and what they want you to receive from consuming it Does consuming it make you a more interesting person? If we blindly follow the media we become slaves to consumerism and potentially spiral into unhappiness by never being able to achieve what the media says we should be. There's no pill for that. (Although I know the Flinstone shaped ones might make you feel happier.....it is only a clever ploy by those working down in Bedrock.... Bastards.)

4. Save the world.

With a prune and a benpan. Against popular belief, spandex in not necessary,

5. Watch what you buy.

Does a 52' inch plasma screen TV really make you a more interesting person? I'd love you more if you bought me a popsicle. Money should be spent on experience instead of affluence.

6. READ.

'What?! Real books!? Didn't the Nazi's burn all those when we got TV?!'
Reading exercises the imagination by making it necessary to create the pictures and sort things out ourselves. It strengthens vocabulary, breeds ideas, entertains and educates, sometimes all at once. You really can't go wrong here. If you are currently addicted to the television where the pictures are created for you, head to your local library. 'See Spot Run' is a good series for beginners.

It's not hard to be interesting. So why are there so many people who aren't? Put a little thought into who you are, what you spend you time on, who you want to be and what you want to accomplish. Yeah, yeah, we all want to be 'the best person we can be' and 'live every moment to the fullest...' ... the lack of originality in those Carpe Diem statements makes me gag. Describe them in your own words. Find out what really floats your boat and for goodness sake, set sail! The most interesting person gets distressed at the sheer amount of things they want to experience and learn.
Stop ordering the same thing from Starbucks or Tim Hortons. Find something else to do with your date instead of 'dinner and a movie.' Wear your sexiest pair of underwear to the office. Start a language, sport, dance, music or art class. Travel. Rent a classic. Read a classic. Set a goal for yourself. Grow tomatoes. Eat a hamster. Dress for yourself, not for the magazines. Keep a journal. Colonize Jupiter. Cook a meal that doesn't have 'easy to prepare' on the box. Get off the computer. Call a friend. Turn off the TV and stop being boring. Seriously. Are you the kind of person you would like to hang out with?
Next time I run into Uranus he'd better be on his way to Jujitsu class.... or something.
Keep Smiling!
Anthony

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?"
-Switchfoot.